Saturday, March 29, 2008

Garage sale day 2

Well I am super tired, the kids are sleeping finally and just wanted to drop a quick post about our garage sale. It was slower today but none the less very, very worth while. We had so much stuff that we are doing it again the next weekend. I so enjoyed watching people get good deals, and let me tell you there were a few!! The kids all 8 of them did great, just playing all day in Jens amazing yard. I gained five pounds, chocolates and Mac Donalds, gotta stop that, and we forgot to get Gary's drycleaning, woops. He has no uniform for tomorrow. It was fun Gary was commenting on what a great great garage sale it was. All in all we did very good on the money portion, it is a secret though as we are doing it again next week. Okay off to bed I think.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Garage Sale

Hence another lesson. I don't know what it is but it is there for the taking.

Garage sale? So many things to talk about on this subject.
People, so many kinds of people so many reactions to a good deal.
Some would steal, some would hoard, some will just humbly accept the price tag, some will trick and some will negotiate, some will give and give freely. We had a somone I don't know who leave 100 dollars in our donation bottle. I wish I could say thank you to whoever but God sees what they do and I know they will be rewarding in heaven for their generosity.

Some would steal. I feel sorry for the person that would steal from an adoption fundraiser garage sale. I know that God sees them too and he and he alone knows their heart and motive. I have known women to steal and it is for their kids, food, clothes. I don't judge or try not to anyway.

I am so tired an the garage sale produced a good amount of funds for our combined adoption expenses. We are blessed beyone measure but when I talk about blessings it is less financial and more relational. I have come to know and love the families I am working with, they are part of the ministry that we are building as a team. I am privledged to be sitting at a garage sale in their company. I really did have a good time. We laughed and talked and laughed. I was happy to see how much money was generated but more happy to get to know my new friends.
Jen and Julie and company!!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I knew there was a lesson in my sisters long and exhausting labor, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I went to her house yesterday and got to hold my niece for the first time. She is spectacular! My sister and her husband and the leaders from their church came over to bless Annabella Jane, I got to stay and participate.

The room was quiet, my sister looking beautiful sat upon the same bed she gave birth. Her husband and the leaders of their church kneeled beside the bed and admired the family. Each of us took a turn praying. When it was Janette's turn she really hit the nail on the head. Janette's labor was so long and arduous she was in transition, the hardest part of labor for 4 or more hours. This is when your body shakes and you feel like you could possibly throw up, some do. This is the point in labor a lot of women who intend on natural childbirth give up. I listened at the door and my own stomach was sick remembering how it felt to be rocked by so much pain. The lump in my throat grew until even when I swallowed it didn't go away. I listened to the deep guttural ache my sister was experiencing and I heard her say "I don't want to do this, I can't do this, I'm too tired" I am tearing up right now as I think of how it must have hurt so bad and that she had to go on for so long in the worse part of labor (Annabella's head was semi stuck) Finally a contraction pushed Anna down and her cries of pain turned to deep pushing sounds and determination. I heard the change in her, a few minutes later Baby Bella was born.

When we prayed last night my sister prayed from her point of view.

"Lord the most painful part of birthing something in our lives is "transition" when you feel the pain and feel like giving up you are just around the point of breaking. When it feels like nothing is happening and all the pain is for nothing you are there, transitioning us, positioning us for the new thing to happen in our lives."
This is the lesson, this is what I couldn't say because the physical pain of adoption, transition is hard to understand for others and even for me. When you see or hear a woman in transition you know without a doubt that she will birth a child. Even when she didn't believe it herself that she could make it through the hardest part everyone was there believing for her. I was just on the other side of the door praying and when I heard her say "I am to tired, I can't do this" I said silently behind the door, "Yes you can Yes you can" I knew she could and even though she doubted herself I believed for her and prayed for her. This is the lesson. When a mother is waiting for a child through adoption she will go through "transition" it may last a few days or a few months, she may not believe the adoption will ever happen. She may loose hope. We, You Us have to stand by her even if on the other side of the door or state or phone or email and believe for her, for me. We have to pray for her, for me. There is power in this and so we need to recognize each other as adoptive parents because in the society we live in as a whole does not celebrate adoption the way birth is celebrated and "the others" may not recognize an adoptive mom in transition. Pray for me I have been in transition for so long I can't see straight. Which is funny just now when I thought of it because my sister said her body was literally rocked with pain to the point she couldn't see straight and she called herself "googly eyed"
This is the lesson. Thank you for the moms that have and are seeing me through my "transition" I may not say it but I am hanging on because you are hanging for me.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Annabella a big girl indeed

I found out early this morning that my "little" Annabella was and is 9 pounds and 14 oz. Almost 10 pounds!!!! My sister is my new hero. Did it all without a drop of medicine in her body, she worked so hard. I think she deserves so much credit.

Welcome Annabella Jane!!!

4:23 My little niece was born. It was a long and hard labor for my sister but she did it and I could not be more proud of her. Annabella got stuck but was never in danger, although it did make for a long labor for my sister and brother in law. She never gave up, she stuck through it and the pain and delivered a very healthy and subdue baby girl with the biggest cheeks I have ever seen in my life. I listened at the door until the head crowned, we then got to come in and watch her be born. I am waiting on the weight right now, I think well over 8 pounds. It was amazing! There were times when the lump in my throat felt so big and my stomach felt sick, towards the end my whole body was shaking with anticipation. She was a big fat baby!! My sister will never feel stronger or more vibrant. Home birth empowers you to the fullest and when your body goes through such an ordeal it stays with you forever. The birth of Annabella will be evident in everything Janette does. She did it. While I listened at the door I wandered what lessons would be taken from this experience, what lessons can I learn? What lessons does God have about birthing something? I will have to think more on this, but in the mean time I couldn't help but pray and raise my hand as Annabella was making her entrance into this world, she has and will give glory to God. Remember baby girl some of the first words you heard was Grandma praying for you, the room silent, your mother reached down and touched your head with her hands shaking from exhaustion, she said "Is everyone here? pray " Let that be our motto our cry for the world for this time. "Is everyone here?Lets pray"

Almost 2 am

Well it is almost 2 am. We are still waiting, we were called up to the room of my sister but she still has a bit to go, after changing positions we are waiting. The midwife put it good, "sometimes we just have to use the tincture of time and patience" Isn't that the truth. Is there an adoption midwife out there to guide me? I need an adoption Doula. Maybe I will start a business after my own wait is done. I remember giving birth, the intense ancient sound of a woman in labor is melodic and haunting all at once. The sound of labor even in it's soft quiet tones is resounding. I wander how Judah was born and what his mom went through. I adopted him but another dear sweet woman birthed him and she is part of me in some inexpiable way.
My sisters youngest daughter, soon not to be, is watching TV. Her son is asleep, and her oldest daughter a teenager is resting. It was interesting to watch their reactions. One cried, one got sick in her stomach, the other sound asleep. The house is so quiet.

Home birth really is so amazing.

I thought I would want to do it again, and I do. But I know that this time is over for me, I hope watching my neice be born will help me feel better about letting go of birthing another child. My mom just came downstairs with a blanket wrapped around her. I think we are getting close. My dad is snoring on the couch, my other sisters are upstairs sleeping and my brother in laws sister is as well. We have two babies (cousins)that will usher in the newest memeber of the family, lovingly nestled in their mommas arms having made this journey five months prior, they are in a sense experts. Cute. They are sleeping as well but will be present for the big moment. I am excited, the lights are low and all seems very very well.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

If I am not waiting for one thing I am waiting for another

Well I am here at my sisters house. Waiting. Big huge surprise. Waiting for my sister to give birth. I have to admit I am anxious. If I weren't blogging this I would be pacing just like you see in the movies. This is hard for me as well in another way too. It is hard to process what birth is verses adoption. Is there such a thing? Today on the way to my mother in laws house to drop off the kids we were talking about Auntie having a baby. Mason really wanted to watch the baby being born, he has always been interested in child birth mostly because I talked to him a lot about it when I was educating myself in home birth. I told Mason he couldn't be there to watch and he was very upset so I told him he could watch his birth video and then Abby asked if she could see hers and I said of course! And then I was surprised to here my baby boy Judah ask me so innocently if he could see his birth video. My heart is breaking right now thinking about it. I paused and I asked God what to say, then I told him "Baby you have the best adoption video and you can see it anytime, Daddy met you first and brought you to me" It seemed to stop the flow of questions for now but it is these moments that I realize that we have some pieces missing. It hurts me not to have answers and leaves me wandering how I am going to balance being excited about the birth of my bio kids and not making that to be more special than the adoption videos that we will have for my other kids. It doesn't help that society doesn't celebrate adoption the same way people celebrate birth. I guess you realize that as you go along in the process. Anyway enough of my ramblings.

My Sister Is Having a Baby!!

Yes actually right now, my younger sister is having her fourth baby! She is doing a home birth and we are at my moms house waiting just a few minutes down the road until we get the call she is ready to push, then we get to go down to her house and be there when little Annabella Jane is born.

I am proud of her because I also did a home birth with Abigail, and I wish that I had the chance to do another one but God has taken me down a different path. Adoption. But I am a big advocate of home birth and I have never actually been present when a baby was born so this will be exciting as long as she doesn't change her mind. I have been waiting at my moms house since noon and now it is almost 10 pm.

Her contractions are about 2 minutes apart. I miss my kids they are all at my mother in laws house so that I can be ready to go at a moments notice. Gary is on his way home from a Seattle turn and well he just called. Kids are doing great on the way home from Gary's mom house. I will write more later.


Are molecules real, because Dylan said they weren't. What are molecules? Dylan was serious though he said they were not real.

Now me ........duh.

Ya I didn't really know what a molecule was or is, I remember learning about them in Science but what the heck are they exactly. I really didn't know how to explain that. Anyone?


Abby requested a weight set for her birthday, which doesn't occur until late November. She seriously is becoming quite fascinated with body building. She said she wants to look like the guys on Ninja Warrior. She asked me tonight how she could make her muscles even bigger. She really truly cracks me up, she is only four!!

Also after seeing the movie "Enchanted" she has become very diligent about brushing her teeth. The old hag on the movie had horrible teeth and that scared her more than the dragon scene. After the scary dragon scene in the movie and all was quiet and done she said "Is that really how my teeth will look if I don't brush them?" She was stuck on the rotten teeth, not the man eating flame breathing dragon.


Tonight Judah and Gary had an interesting conversation. Gary came into the house and Judah was filling his water bottle at our kitchen sink, Gary noticed the pink cookies had been moved and few "knocked" off , mmmmm? He told Judah
"Don't touch the cookies"
Judah said "I didn't!!!"
Gary repeated himself
Judah then said "I didn't move the cookie ! the cookie moved the cookie"
and then looked directly at Gary and pointed his little finger at him and with a very serious face said "And don't argue with me"
Well I guess he told him.

Not Moving ( song I heard the other day)

Cause it's my will and I'm not moving
cause if it's your will
than nothing can shake me
Cause it's my will
to fall and praise you
and I will worship you
We've got to be
Children of peace

Friday, March 21, 2008

How I Feel

What I am doing right now. (besides waiting)

I am sitting with an ice cube in my nose. Yes an ice cube jammed in my nostril. Come on what do you do on Good Friday?

Why am I sitting with an ice cube jammed in my nose? I am dulling the pain of the Cayenne pepper that my husband so delicately put in my nose applied in a semi large quantity with a q tip.

come on isn't that what a good husband is supposed to do ?

I have a head ache, brought on by my inability to handle stress properly. Or too much coffee or an out of place back or talking to much on my cell phone that could cause an out of place back. Who knows.

Apparently he read in Men's Health that pepper in your nose will help dull the pain receptors and increase blood flow. But I can tell you as one who has done this, it helps because it burns so bad you forget about the migraine. Now I am drinking pepper diluted in water, this helps your head aches because it causes major heart burn again taking your "mind" off the pain.

My husband the wanna be homeopathic doctor.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

More Wait, Why?

It is easy at this point in the game to give up, I certainly feel tired enough to stop. But I cannot. Despite disappointment after disappointment I know that there are millions of orphaned children in this world and I know for certain it is God's plan to adopt one of them. I know we are ready and I know my kids are ready, my paperwork is ready, my heart is ready, our finances are almost ready.

Why. Why. not a question more a statement.

If I listened to some I would wait or not do this at all. When is the timing perfect to bring home a child, to birth a child, to get married? Is there some magic day and some perfect child and some just right situation? I don't know. I know that as hard as this is on me there is a child that doesn't have a family.

Am I so bad? Am I doing something so wrong? I have prayed, thought, desired, hoped and longed, paid with my heart, purse and time. Why.

We want to. I cannot stop. Something is bigger than us is in this and despite the circumstances we will bring home a child from Ethiopia. We need this girl and this girl needs us. I don't know if there is a perfect child just right for our family, is there such a thing anyway? I do know that in every child there is a blessing and no perfect fit for anyone, just a lot of kids and one big God to make it work. There is not a perfect time nor is there a perfect family but a family sticks it out through the thick and thin and we are sticking with this.

I don't know how or who or when. I do know why.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

disregard the news

Well as in the world of adoptions some things just aren't sure until it is all said and done. We have decided with our agency that this is not the match for us due to personal reasons. We are now back to the wait and we do not have a child matched to us at this point. I will know for sure tomorrow but it doesn't look like this is the right match for our family.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Well we finally got the news!

We finally got the news. We have been matched with a darling almost five year old girl. We are excited and look forward to accepting the referral. As of right now it is a tentative agreement and we are waiting on some final paper work that should come in next week. There is also a very sweet friend picking up her daughter in Ethiopia, that is going to meet out little A.... (sorry no name or pictures online until things are finalized) and let us know how she is and some more information about her personality. We are looking forward to an update from her. She said she would also pray for her too!! I told her she could tell her about us and that we are waiting and that some strangers over 5,000 miles away are waiting to become mommy and daddy. I am putting a photo album together and there is so much to do. Like learn to speak her language!! Get her room ready!! Write a letter telling her about us. :)

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Gotta love em

This is Mason preaching the word of the Lord.
This is Judah with Styrofoam in his hair
This is Abby working with much care sculpting Styrofoam
Posted by Picasa

God's Comic Relief

Well just when you think the crazy's are knocking the Lord make you laugh. He uses your kids, kids are good for so many things but they are really good for a laugh. Let me start off by saying my house has never been so messy. Okay now that that is out of the way I shall go on.

We got a karaoke machine so that I could practice my testimony and speaking into a microphone. Well Mason got a hold of it tonight and preached his first sermon, he stood on a chair and just let us all have it. At one point he tucked the microphone in his shirt and preached on everything from the shield of faith, the lion that comes to steal kill and destroy, in between chastising us for not watching him he would say "1,2 3 eyes on me" He was asking questions pertinent to his sermon and keeping us engaged. He often switched from the plight of the manta rays to having faith and testing. Then back to how God wants us to care for His universe and the story of Jonah, by the way Jonah was in the belly of the whale for three million years. I have to give it to the kid he had all the scriptures to back it up (well except the Jonah facts) I used to think I could never do as good as my father with teaching my own kids about God. My dad seemed, and is so wise and knew the answer for everything about God. He always gave good sound scriptures to back it up and in between my teenage eye rolls I learned something. I have always wanted to be like him, a good teacher. Well tonight I see that my kids have learned something. It hit me and I watched Mason pick up an orange (yes there is a box of oranges in my living room I told you my house was a disaster) and said "you know even this orange worships God" I thought to myself, I know the scripture to that. I waited. He said "You know if we don't raise up to praise God he will cause his own creations to, like the rocks and trees and all of his creation even this orange" Yesssssssss! He knows it and he gets it. I realized he is learning and like my dad, those hours of speaking scriptures even when you think they are not listening, they are.

Now onto what were Abby and Judah doing during this long, very long sermon? They had discovered the joy of sculpting Styrofoam. Yes they took the Styrofoam the karaoke machine came in and sawed and cut for an hour, feverishly with great intent and more importantly, quietly. Then they gathered up the millions of pieces around the floor in little zip lock baggies that for some reason they were so proud of. I don't get it, but if I could be that content cutting and storing Styrofoam in baggies for no reason, I wouldn't be blogging about how stressed out I am up at 3 am. Hence the reason my house is so very messy right now. What was I doing, avoiding cleaning and checking emails as feverishly as the Styrofoam cutting crowd to see if I had any news from a far away country. You know something else, Styrofoam is very hard to clean up, the little balls stick to you and run from the vacuum cleaner. I have done this a few times. (me shuddering) They seem prone to static electricity and just come alive when you touch them. Do you know Styrofoam likes to stick in mini Afros? just food for thought, not as bad as oatmeal in Afros.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Hit a wall

Here it is another wall in the adoption world. I don't think I can wait a second longer. I am now jumping everytime the phone rings, checking emails all day long and hoping like never before. I could be because our cordinator is supposed to come back any day now. Well a week, but who is counting. I have been "waiting" for close to three months. I have tried to stay busy and keep away from being nosey about others adoptions and waits as mine is enough right now. But now she, whoever she is haunts me day and night. And I am tired of it. The wait for a referral is like a mind game. I don't know what to compare it to, just imagine always living never knowing. But knowing that something big was going to happen and it could be good, you hope it is good but it could be hard and you know it will be hard. But you want this so bad, more than anything. It is like waiting for a season to change and it never does. It is like summer in Arizona.


Did you know that when you "offend" a friend you literally put them in jail, you lock them up with iron bars. That is what the bible says in Proverbs, Or if you are the one offended you yourself can spend time in prison so to speak. God came to set the captives free that is the only way to get out of the jail of offense is to believe that God came to set you free and to choose his way. As for God his ways are perfect.

Just a little side note of silly.

I am well known for getting peanut butter on everything, everything!! door handles, air condition buttons, keyboard, clothes. I don't know why. I will hear Gary screaming from the hallway "KIMMMMMM, what is wrong with you?" and I will know it may have something to do with peanut butter on something. Well a few days ago I got all dressed up for one our adoption ministry meetings and it was just a great time we spent hours talking and planning. I got out to the car on my way home and felt something in my ear, I pulled out a huge wad of peanut butter!! how in the world did that even get there? How long did I have peanut butter just sitting in my ear? Why? I think I know, I made peanut butter sandwiches earlier and I was talking on the phone and maybe it transferred, I don't know. I once had a bumble be follow me literally 4 blocks, couldn't shake the bugar. Confounded and exasperated I told my friend it must be my Burt's bees lotion. Nope, peanut butter and honey on my forehead. Discovered that hours later after the walk. Big blog of honey on my forehead. Hey I am not proud of this, I really do want answers.

and just a bit more......

I got in the car the other day, I had on jeans and cotton shirt. I had some lipstick on and some black shoes, I may have had on a necklace. Mason my eldest was embarrassed of me. "mommmmmm, you don't have to get dressed up all fancy we are just going to the store" okay if a pair of faded jeans, stained shoes (refer to paint spill incident in previous blog) and a cotton tshirt is fancy, what in the world do I look like normally? Poor kid he couldn't get over it. To him I might as well been wearing formal.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

La Vida Loca

Ahh my crazy life, I haven't been good at blogging at all!! Probably by now I have been forgotten and my words are to the wind!

Where have I been? Launching a new ministry I have dreamed of for two years!! Yes God has finally given the go ahead just when I thought this would never happen.

We are made up of 10 members strong of fellow adoptive mothers and advocates. We are The Grafted Tree, a voice to the voiceless. A ministry to all Gods children. We had partnered with local agencies and are gather resources. There are about 6 of us that are very active in the group. It was all of our dreams and it was like God just put us together with such oneness it is hard to describe. I truly feel I have known them forever!! Anyway we will be getting things off soon here doing speaking engagements at local churches and spreading the word of God's love in adoption. I am trying to prepare my testimony but it is harder than I thought.

We should have our website up and running and we are actively working towards becoming non profit, we have already 2 orphanages in interested in us from Africa and I hope we can raise awareness and tons of money for them. We are an interdenominational group comprised of different christian churches in our area. I hope we will grow and encourage more churches to start their own orphan ministries so that we can reach more kids. Our web site when it is up and running will be I am working on it and trust me I am no techie! More later I am so sorry I haven't caught up.

Here's one for the road, Oatmeal in an Afro doesn't easily come out. I learned this a month ago when Abby and Judah disappeared under my dining room table with a container of oatmeal and she showered him with it. He had oats in his hair for well over a week despite washing which was a no no because of his African hair. Poor baby had no oil left on his scalp, we ended up cutting his hair.