Hit a wall

Here it is another wall in the adoption world. I don't think I can wait a second longer. I am now jumping everytime the phone rings, checking emails all day long and hoping like never before. I could be because our cordinator is supposed to come back any day now. Well a week, but who is counting. I have been "waiting" for close to three months. I have tried to stay busy and keep away from being nosey about others adoptions and waits as mine is enough right now. But now she, whoever she is haunts me day and night. And I am tired of it. The wait for a referral is like a mind game. I don't know what to compare it to, just imagine always living never knowing. But knowing that something big was going to happen and it could be good, you hope it is good but it could be hard and you know it will be hard. But you want this so bad, more than anything. It is like waiting for a season to change and it never does. It is like summer in Arizona.