Monday, April 26, 2010

Masson Broke His Arm

Big fat sigh. Mason broke his arm pretty bad on Friday. It has been a roller coaster of pain medication and appointments and emergency room visits and just general blah blah blah. I am learning a lot once more about what drives me and how I cope. I have some things to share as soon as I can put it into words. For now my sugar rants and so forth will just have to wait.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Rotten Teeth ( A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words)

I know I said I was going to write about the evils of agave nectar, but first I must interject this little comment.

I am not the first and only mom that tried to scare her kids into brushing their teeth properly by showing them scary internet pictures of other kids rotten teeth!

I simply googled "Rotten teeth..." and there came up a list of websites that were titled "Pictures of Kids Rotten Teeth" I didn't even have to go to an image search.

I quickly clicked on one to show my Nettie this morning and boy did it do the trick!!! (Of course it's Nettie and she would do anything to be beautiful) She high tailed it back to the bathroom leaving only a fear contrail in her wake! I LOVE IT. Fast and effective.

Now Mason and Abby are up and I will do the same for them. I am doing them a favor, the same favor my dad did when I was 8. It is called fear. He told me that he knew someone who was only 20 who lost all of their teeth and had to wear dentures! That was all it took for me to start brushing better. Well that is so old school, as now we have the internet and we don't have to leave it up to our imaginations to figure out what rotten teeth may look like. It's all right there in digital crystal clarity! I cringed as I viewed the teeth up close. My least favorite was the rotten teeth and the mustache. I will be kind enough to post the links for you mothers that decide to use this as a helpful tool. I will however spare the faint of heart from the gruesome reality of the actual pictures.

Enjoy! (as dentists everywhere applaud my parenting!)

P.S. Just showed this to the older kids! I am laughing so hard!! (not because I am sadistic, but because it worked!!!) the pictures where met with shrieks and Mason burying his face into my chest, wanting to look but to afraid. I explained bacteria and what sugar does to your teeth. They both took off like a shot to brush after breakfast. The water is running and they will have clean teeth by 9 am. HELLO! Homeschool at its finest.

Final comment and warning.
Abby 6 years old "Be careful not to scrub the paint off your teeth that God gave you."

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Devil Is In The Cake

Okay so I am just sick of all of it. Since when did sugar become so evil? Since when did devils food cake actual have the real power to possess your body and make it do things it shouldn't do? Big Fat Sigh.

I ate the best piece of chocolate cake tonight and almost felt no twinge of guilt. Even with darkened past of my diabetic ancestors and my own blood sugar issues looming over me.

It was a cloudy and unseasonably cold day in Arizona today. The kind of day that demands a cozy treat and a cup of coffee. There I stood outside at the park hang out chatting with my dear friends and neighbors while our kids took advantage of the cool air. Talk rolled around to the different paths that would be taken in our foreseeable futures, the selling of our homes, the economy and the market. The clouds sighed as we paused in the cool breeze. I felt sad. Grey. I want to leave my neighborhood and I want to start our dream of a hobby farm, but these guys have been there for me for close to a decade.

It was just then that Kristy suggested cake. Okay, that sounds really good. Cake can almost solve anything or at least muffle the monsters within for a second. Hence the reason comfort food is called as such. We all agreed that it would be a wonderful idea and we would love to try her new Chocolate frosting recipe, which included melted chocolate chips butter and whole milk. We decided that we would hide it from he kids playing in the park, and the plan was set into motion.

I felt like I was doing something really naughty and with my blood sugar monitor on the fritz there was no electronic tattling box, proof of soaring numbers. ( I felt like I was cheating on it!) If I couldn't see it then it must not be real, right? I waited with an unnatural anticipation. Finally she returned with the most beautiful chocolate cake ever, but it's beauty lied within. The promise of a new recipe and knowing that my friend could bake.

I felt giddy and all the talk of short sale home failures and high mortgages vanished into the thick gray clouds above, mixing with their vapors far away from me my friends and the chocolate cake.

The slices she cut were huge and for my own sake I did request a smaller one. The first bite into the cake validated all my anticipation. It was by far the tasty cake I had ever had. The frosting was dark and cooled to perfection, not a typical butter cream but different, not to chocolaty but smooth. The cake itself was amazing, it was thick and moist at the same time. The kind of cake that sticks to your fork and you are left to collect every last crumb. I savored that moment with my friends. I shivered against the cold. We laughed as we quickly hid the plates in her car parked nearby when one of our children would approach.

I didn't feel too evil. My body didn't go into convulsive fits of rage. Is that wrong? The thought of sugar being the arch enemy and the feeder of all cancers only entered my mind one time. I swallowed my cake and dismissed it as fast as I could. We walked away happy, content if even for a moment. I made myself some decaf coffee and enjoyed the lingering moment.

I will write about how much sugar the average American consumes and the Agave Nectar scam tomorrow. For tonight I am going to dream of that cake. Get the recipe and make it sometime for some event and enjoy watching all my friends enjoy something delish and decadent. And then I will shamelessly enjoy the attention I am given for having baked such a wonderful piece of art.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Toilet Paper Tuesday

Well oddly enough I shrunk. I think it has to do with the time of the day I use the toilet paper to measure my tummy. Anyway last week was 11, and this week I am 10 1/2 squares big. I also weighed myself and I am just trying not to freak out, even though technically I am 16 weeks along and have gained a mere 5 pounds, I am not happy about this considering I started off 10 pounds heavier than my last kids. Think I maybe eating too much fat or something. Anyway off to do this day. We are going to work on reading fluency and spelling words. Oh the excitement.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Mommy Faint Heart

I always say parenting is not for the faint of heart. Well tonight my heart is faint. I am tired and I am severely craving a sugar cookie hot and straight from the oven. But thanks to my no sugar in the house policy, (really a safe guard for moments like these) I got nothing. Tonight as I type away my hot chocolate will have to do, a little unsweetened cocoa and a bit of sugar. Maybe a Life time for women movie and if I am lucky I will slip off into sweet dream land on the couch, unaware of the time, unaware of my growing belly, back ache and throbbing head.

Just a quick recap, because nobody needs to totally relive my life for the next 2 hours.

The day started off fairly normal. The kids did great job cleaning up so I told them we would go to the park to meet some friends. And because I am a thoughtful and frugal mother I would even forgo the drive through, and op for the healthier and less debit card consuming option of stopping by Safeway for Lunchables, which are a favorite with my kids and a treat to boot! Oh there was happiness all around as they readied themselves. I called my friend and told her we were on our way just a bit late.
Blah blah blah skip to the end.
I locked my keys in the car.
Well I am blaming Judah because he screamed in my ear as he had clamored to the front, well he didn't just scream he mocked me. That didn't go over to well. That and I was on the phone. My bad. Result of pregnancy brain and multiple distractions cost me 1 hour and 65 dollars.
We finally made it to the park.
My allergies were out of control the sun beat down without mercy and I should have known that my tan godess friend wouldn't sit in the shade! No hat, no sunglasses, nothing, I literally could feel the wrinkles digging deeper into my already aging skin. And I swear you could see the freckles popping out on my arms and chest. Hence the head ache.

We got home. Relaxed and all was well for a hot second. The kids decided that they did really want to go to church so at 5 pm so we started getting ready to make the 6 o'clock service. I took a phone call while trying to brush my teeth and throw back my hair. Abby comes to me and declares that she just ate an onion. I smile and say good job, while trying to cover the phone so my friend won't hear. Then she said she got the little kids to do it too. I pat her head and say what a good big sister she is, not really paying attention. Then she dissapears and comes back into my bathroom with a whole peeled white onion! Apparently she was very serious about this onion eating as the thing had been stripped of it's brown crinkly skin and massive bites were missing from its white flesh. Wow, she really ate the onion. No time to brush their teeth my children will have stinky breath and I sum it up with the thought that the onion itself in it's raw form is very good for curing colds, all of which we have. I managed to get Abby to wear a barrette and Mason to put on a clean shirt, tell Nettie she is not wearing knee high black boots with a sundress, and out we go!

We get to this brand new church, late, after I got lost and were welcomed nicely. I beamed as my kids walked in so cute and tidy. (at least for us) Everybody wanted to greet us and shook our hands warmly. They escorted us up to the kids area were all my kids would be together, once again they were welcomed and surrounded by all the other kids. The teacher looked mostly happy to see them. I kind of felt a twinge of guilt for having just unloaded four kids her way when I am sure she was secretly doing the inner happy dance having a such a small class.

Church was church. I got some decaf coffee and a piece of cake before picking up my little darlings. I had warned them nothing short of their lives not to embarrass me. ( Easter Sunday incident) When I went to retrieve them they were happily coloring and playing with puzzles. They looked like they had a great time. The teacher on the other hand, um... not so much. Her hair was frazzled and I could tell by the deflated balloons popped all over the room and markers scattered, that perhaps my kids had a little too much fun. Of course I asked the question that begged to be asked "How were they?" she half smiled and only replied, "Well next time I am not bringing balloons." I could see it in her eyes, she had the encounter with the B kids. It's kind of like coming face to face with a hurricane and living to tell about it. You are never the same and there are no words. The glossed over faded smile said it all.

I gathered my precious four little darlings up, made them say thank you and left as gracefully as one can with four kids who just did the "Father Abraham" dance. Needless to say they were a little hyper. I lined them up against the wall outside the class and once again threatened them within inches of their lives. They would walk down the stairs and follow me through the crowd and not push or run or jump. The Disney Land vacation was on the line for this one.

I was ecstatic as we passed through the doors, no incidents, no shoving just the mirage of well behaved children. The car was insight, the kids were close in tow, quietly behind me, when suddenly I hear my name. What the dickens??? There was a kind smile and a nice lady behind us walking towards me with her very prim daughter. I immediately told her I didn't know her. I figured it is just best to get some things right out there. Then she reminded me of who she was. Oh yes we have bumped into each other a few times, she was the homeschool mom, Bountiful Baskets Food Co op, adopted two children from Russia.... oh ya I remember now, the We Make History Civil War Renactment, her two kids were angelic while mine rolled around in the hay, throwing pieces of straw and handfuls of dust at each other and jumping from bale to bale occasionally on someones jacket.... oh ya. She never did call me...mmmmm wander why?? This is where history does repeat itself. Unfortunately.

Again her two kids were angelic. Standing with shirts buttoned an bows fastened to perfectly combed hair. Heck they were even wearing socks! I can't even get one of my kids to put underwear on. Not to mention the holes in the pants that I wasn't sure were exactly from the clean pile of unfolded laundry on the floor or the dirty pile. I just figured the smell of onion breath would trump the smell of dirt on jeans. We chatted it up for a bit, meanwhile my head is pounding, the kids sensing my weakness, took off. One headed for the road, twirling in circles of oblivious serenity while one ran in circles just to get dizzy, and two started climbing the faux rock columns that lined the entrance to the church. I grabbed one and threatened a spanking and then told him he wasn't going to Disney land, ( I meant it) then pulled two off the pillars and told them not to climb walls at church, holding one hand that refused to be held one more got away and ran into another one, the other one despite an apology turned and punched the other one. Meanwhile, visibly pregnant with 2.5 kids over the "kid limit" I made jokes about Benadryl and they laughed obliging my awkwardness. Then the oldest one came up and said, as we discussed my new pregnancy "My mom's pregnant, Cha ching Cha ching boom boom Fire power!" he then made a muscle man pose and pointed to my fat stomach. I chuckled uncomfortably and said "Well I don't know where he gets this stuff from" looking down at the asphalt much to ashamed to meet their gaze. I do know where he gets this stuff from, stupid TV, Night at the Museum and Cars mixed together. I knew exactly where he got it from. The disintegrated head he drew in Sunday school however was a surprise to me. (apparently Avatar) the teacher didn't seem to believe me when I told her he never saw the movie, he just saw one clip at Block Buster the other day. Her reply was "Really, that's a lot of violent detail for just one clip" I didn't even care that much about what she thought of me, I was more embarrassed of the Cha Ching, Fire power remark.

Finally we pulled away, after I am sure what looked like a freak show. I got into the car and turned the mean mommy voice on, the one that could double for the demon voice in a horror show. It is raspy and several octaves lower than my usual voice and is best used with popped out eyes and clenched teeth.

There were some discipline action at home along with what I like to refer to as "prison food" PB and J for dinner and a glass of milk.

Now time for bed. My head is still pounding and that movie is waiting for me. Maybe another glass of hot milk. Tomorrow in B land is waiting.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

11 squares big

So I am sticking to that, which gives me four days ahead of myself. Anyway a friend of mine are prego together so we are keeping track, I am exactly 11 squares of toilet paper around, we will measure every Tuesday, she is 8. Well she is thinner than me to begin with so this should be fun.