Tuesday, March 25, 2008


I knew there was a lesson in my sisters long and exhausting labor, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I went to her house yesterday and got to hold my niece for the first time. She is spectacular! My sister and her husband and the leaders from their church came over to bless Annabella Jane, I got to stay and participate.

The room was quiet, my sister looking beautiful sat upon the same bed she gave birth. Her husband and the leaders of their church kneeled beside the bed and admired the family. Each of us took a turn praying. When it was Janette's turn she really hit the nail on the head. Janette's labor was so long and arduous she was in transition, the hardest part of labor for 4 or more hours. This is when your body shakes and you feel like you could possibly throw up, some do. This is the point in labor a lot of women who intend on natural childbirth give up. I listened at the door and my own stomach was sick remembering how it felt to be rocked by so much pain. The lump in my throat grew until even when I swallowed it didn't go away. I listened to the deep guttural ache my sister was experiencing and I heard her say "I don't want to do this, I can't do this, I'm too tired" I am tearing up right now as I think of how it must have hurt so bad and that she had to go on for so long in the worse part of labor (Annabella's head was semi stuck) Finally a contraction pushed Anna down and her cries of pain turned to deep pushing sounds and determination. I heard the change in her, a few minutes later Baby Bella was born.

When we prayed last night my sister prayed from her point of view.

"Lord the most painful part of birthing something in our lives is "transition" when you feel the pain and feel like giving up you are just around the point of breaking. When it feels like nothing is happening and all the pain is for nothing you are there, transitioning us, positioning us for the new thing to happen in our lives."
This is the lesson, this is what I couldn't say because the physical pain of adoption, transition is hard to understand for others and even for me. When you see or hear a woman in transition you know without a doubt that she will birth a child. Even when she didn't believe it herself that she could make it through the hardest part everyone was there believing for her. I was just on the other side of the door praying and when I heard her say "I am to tired, I can't do this" I said silently behind the door, "Yes you can Yes you can" I knew she could and even though she doubted herself I believed for her and prayed for her. This is the lesson. When a mother is waiting for a child through adoption she will go through "transition" it may last a few days or a few months, she may not believe the adoption will ever happen. She may loose hope. We, You Us have to stand by her even if on the other side of the door or state or phone or email and believe for her, for me. We have to pray for her, for me. There is power in this and so we need to recognize each other as adoptive parents because in the society we live in as a whole does not celebrate adoption the way birth is celebrated and "the others" may not recognize an adoptive mom in transition. Pray for me I have been in transition for so long I can't see straight. Which is funny just now when I thought of it because my sister said her body was literally rocked with pain to the point she couldn't see straight and she called herself "googly eyed"
This is the lesson. Thank you for the moms that have and are seeing me through my "transition" I may not say it but I am hanging on because you are hanging for me.