Wednesday, October 13, 2010

I am not pregnant.

I am not pregnant, this thought hasn't really sunk in. Although the thought of being pregnant never did sink in. I think my mind is about three months behind my body. The other day I turned over in bed and fully expected a kick or jab, but there was nothing there. Instead she lay beside me, such a sweet warm bundle. Yet, I missed her being tucked away nicely inside of me where I could kind of control things a little bit, where love was more a mystery. Now I am alone, separate from her and the experience of her growing in me and now it is gone forever. I came to the realization that now my stomach is just that. A boring ol' stomach. There is nothing special about my pooch now, it is now longer cute and tight. It is no longer a baby bump, it is just a lump. I know that I will recover but I will hopefully never forget how it felt to carry her. I hope that I can always appreciate it, more than I did in the moment. I regret that. I regret that worry and fear kept me from fully enjoying the moment. I honestly didn't think I would get pregnant, or stay pregnant or give birth to a child that lived. Now she is here and absolutely amazing. All that worrying for nothing.

There are some things that I am glad I have back, my bladder being one of them. Of course I have traded my bladder for my breast, which are no longer mine. It seems I traded one leaky system for another. That's okay. My bottom half is almost fully recovered and I forgot how much post part-em recovery there is.

I actually want to have another baby. Crazy, but Serenity is the kind of girl that makes you want more. Okay gotta run.


  1. One leaky system for another! Snort giggle

  2. I hesitated being so candid, but it is so true!!!! that is exactly what has happened. I get a free milk bath nightly, it is making my skin so soft! ;)