Some pictures

Some more pictures !

I know we are just wrong to do this as parents but blame my husband. It all came off after the funny picture. :)

Abby watching birds

Mason staring off at gardens
Judah being a butterfly at gardens

OH the Going On's of the B Family

Much has transpired since my last post. MMMM lets see, going to change Serenity's middle name to Hope or Joy or Love. Gary felt her kick today as well, he was tickled pink! This little girl moves all day long! I have never had a baby want to move so much. She kicks and turns and feels like a frog inside of my belly. She seems to respond to Gary's voice as well, and when I eat or lay down she is on the go.

We have acquired two new members of our family, Kiwi and Cockaroo, a Lovebird and a Cockateil. They are both noisy messy and adorable. We are so proud of Mason for training his naughty Lovebird, Kiwi. He worked for a few weeks building trust and now she is too cute for words, minus she bites often. She likes to go into his sleeve, take baths in his hands and now finally hops onto his finger. She climbs all over him and seems to have ADHD. She is the only bird I know that could hang on his shoulder while he makes a myriad of strange noises and dances. Currently she has climbed down the front of his shirt in the quest to find the entrance into his shirt, goal being the sleeve under his arm where she gets real cozy, settles in, then bites the heck out of the soft part of his underarm. She also doesn't let anyone get near Mason and threatens to bite them when they do. Abby's cockatiel is not so adventurous, in fact he looks more like a scrawny chicken. Granted he is a baby but he is perfect for Abby, nice and slow, very calm.

We were going on vacation but since decided to stay home. Money being an issue, the bills have started coming in for Mason's arm and it is just isn't a good time to get away,not to mention he can't do much with his arm. He did however get the pins out on the 20th, I have to admit it was gross and he freaked out. He shivered with fear and completely lost it. I can see he is still traumatized by the whole thing. Perception and temperament are incredible things. Poor Abby went with us and hid behind a gurney as Mason screamed in fear. She tried so hard to make him laugh and was nearly on the verge of tears as they took him for yet more x rays. She, like always held back and just swallowed hard, leaning into me. Which in the end made me cry watching her try to be so brave. So he has 4 more weeks of a cast and then hopefully we are done and can get back to normal life.

Abby and I both had to have skin biopsy's and luckily both came back benign. To get Abby to get the skin removed I had to bribe her with a DS game. She tried to bargain for two but Dad wouldn't tolerate this type of parenting so she got one. We had a nice trip to Walmart just her and I. I got her to buy underwear and socks but she has yet to wear the undies.

Our family has been trying to do more things now that the kids are a bit older. Gary found a lot of free things in the state to take advantage of. We went to the Desert Botanical Gardens and saw the butterfly exhibit. One butterfly landed on Mason and stayed there for 30 minutes. The other kids were horribly jealous. Abby was really into bird watching and charted every little creature she saw with her paper and pencil. Judah and Nettie were still a bit young and while I think they enjoyed it they were pretty tired. Nettie sat down in exhaustion and I asked her "Well how old are you little old lady?" and she said without a blink "26!" that is about right.

We took a trip to the art museum as well. The kids did great I was very happy with them. It was very enjoyable. Today we took advantage of Lowe's kids day. The kids got aprons and built catapults. It was free and very cute. Monday Abby starts soccer so she is stoked. Mason has decided that he no longer wants to be a sniper but a country singer. I am slightly relived. :) Judah is really into trucks, big surprise there, but now he is memorizing all the makes of the big rigs. Gary digs that big time and has made it a game driving on the highway.

Abby lost her tooth 2 days ago. Of course she wouldn't let us pull it out it came out rather on a cheese stick. When she came into our room a while later she said "So can you give me my bucks?" I told her "Don't you want to put it under your pillow?" Her response was "Oh come on I know you guys pretend to be the tooth fairy, I just want my bucks, 100 bucks." I said "Don't you want to pretend there is a tooth fairy?" "NO, just give me my bucks.", well ... later we went to Rubio's to celebrate the last day of school and she requested a Coke. She wanted to stick her tooth in the Coke to watch it rot, a science experiment as she told me. So much for being sentimental. Netties tooth is also loose, and she cannot wait to loose it.

Mason graduated the next level of cub-scouts, becoming one of the most decorated kids in his pack. Abby also graduated Daisy scouts and is moving up to Brownie. Nettie started Daisy's this year and she is so excited.

We are focusing on the kids behavior and I fear we are entering into uncharted territory with our oldest. Gary has had a substantial amount of time off and when he goes back to work it will be quite strange.

Off for now, kids need to go to bed.

The Name

Just the other day my mom and I were talking and in the middle of our conversation I heard her say "Serenity" my brain froze on that word and I interrupted her and asked her if she had just said Serenity? She said no. Well I knew immediately that was to be our new little girls name. Later when I talked to Gary about it he said when he heard me say it that he thought the same thing, "That would make a pretty name". So there you have it. Serenity Ellen, my mother and I share the same middle name so therefore our last daughter will as well.

I went home to look it up and it means

without fear or anxiety, not letting disturbances disrupt the state of peace.

I need that! I love it. Now I have serenity inside of me.

What is surprising is that Gary and I both like the name. Mason had named her Olivia which also means peace, so I take those things as a confirmation that we are supposed to name her this. I had been praying and praying asking the Lord to name our daughter. I thought it would be a biblical name but... I feel at peace with this.

Every name I had chosen anyway began with an S so I guess I was just drawn to S names this time.

Off to start the day. Serenely. lol.

It's A Girl!! 18 Weeks

Today we found out with certainty that the baby I carry is indeed a girl baby. My reaction? Not surprised. Sort of anti climatic, but at least I know now and can get some pink things. HAHA, who am I kidding, no pink for us. I like our little girls to be rough and tough, low maintenance. Hair bows and ribbons, frilly uncomfortable clothes, no thanks. But who knows how this little one will be. She might adore all things pretty like her older sister Nettie.

Regardless we hope she is just born safely and full life. My hope has to be in God because I do not own the joy stick to the universe.

I told Gary and he wasn't surprised, in fact he forgot that when I dropped him off at the library with the other kids that I went to the ultra sound. He was more interested in showing me the magazines he got for 10 cents. Oh hum. I gave him a little pink wrapped truffle. The kids were not surprised either. I guess I just knew for sure that she was a girls so I didn't question it too much.

This whole thing is not real yet. I am waiting for it to hit.

Toilet Paper Tuesday week 18

Still 11 squares big! moving on almost half way through. Today is appointment with midwife she is coming out to our house. I am getting an order for an ultrasound to find out what we are having! I am going tomorrow if all goes well and I hope this little one cooperates!

Broken

We know as Christians, that God works all things together for the good who love him and who are called according to his purpose. My head also knows that I am supposed to consider it joy when I encounter various trials and tribulations, knowing the testing of my faith produces patience. The funny thing is that the greatest distance traveled is from head to heart, a mere 15 inches.

I have been in a battle for my faith since I found out I was pregnant. Again I know this shouldn't throw me for such a loop, but it did. As I stared at that little stick turning a double positive pink I realized both slowly and quickly that the dreams I once nurtured were shutting down like your eyes shut down with tunnel vision just before you pass out. The cord was being pulled.

It has been and still is hard to let some things go. In many ways I feel like a worn piece of paper that had a million scribbles on it, plans I made in pencil, some in ink that were hastily rubbed off with a giant eraser. I can still see a faint outline of what was once there, Africa, adoption, travels, weight loss! ...

I lost faith and purpose when my so called dreams were scratched out leaving holes in parts of the paper. My life. My plans.

On the way to the park that Friday, my first day back after 8 weeks of morning sickness, I wandered quietly in the car.... If something bad were to happened would I even turn to God? It is interesting to me that even though this was just a quiet thought, I was allowed to see through the circumstances of my sons broken arm, my own heart.

When he ran to me, his arm shaped like an S, dangling and flapping as he stumbled towards me, fear and panick washing his face. Immediately I began to pray for it, God's life in me took over. The same way when I was a flight attendant, training took over in emergency situations. Oh sweet relief that the spirit of God lives in me and does not deny itself even in my faith weakened state.

I didn't stop praying but I did stop questioning a lot of things I had previously questioned. In fact outside of pouting and stomping my feet because my plans were "ruined" I don't really know what I was questioning to begin with!

The week was difficult. Two procedures done to his arm creating massive pain that I couldn't control. Thirteen hours without food or water. One and half bottles of Motrin downed, only to find out it had been recalled and the general disappointment as my son realized he was limited. My quest to control the universe failed.

I cannot say I weathered this little storm with grace. There were many tears as old fears found a way out of the box I hastily bound them in. Judah's experience with being overdosed and nearly dieing, pushed me further than I thought I could go. It took a small army of friends and family and a giant dose of the word of God to keep me grounded.

Prayers were answered in so many ways down to the right doctors and friends I didn't know I had, quick procedure and healing time.

I prayed Psalms 34 over and over. I still do. Now I am asking Mason to learn something in this still and quiet time. I am asking him to praise God despite his circumstances. I know how hard this is first hand as I had to consciously praise God for his good work despite what I saw and felt all around me. But like I said it wasn't pretty. I dare not say that just because we had a hard week and a broken arm that I have somehow figured it out. I think I scratched by only by the grace of God. I realized that I myself am broken, sick in the spirit, limping with foundations that have been compromised way before the storm hit. So that is where I am now. Going back to where I started, finding balance, being still. Just like Mason, waiting for the splint to set me right, then waiting for the cast to come off so I can fly!

Some things that haunted me where my very words written on this blog several years ago, describing Judah's ordeal. I wrote that I would never trust doctors again. Funny how I didn't realize what I had proclaimed and how it would affect me in the future. As my dad pointed out, "It is not in doctors that we put our trust but in God"