Anything but simple

Who said that the quest for raising your own food and living a more clean self sustaining life was going to be simple?? 

I lost it today.  Poor kids.  As if I ever had "it" I haven't.  If "it" means my "act together".

I NEED them to help me.  I have become this militant crazy mom lately and I don't like it.  No wander the pioneers never smiled in pictures.  They were freaking tired and didn't have time to smile.  I actually told my kids today that I would have time to listen and snuggle if I was going to be forced to do all the chores on this property.  I also told them they could sit in their rooms while I did everything and then I made a list of all I would have to do by myself.  I told them this was not just our dream but something we were doing for them.  I doubt they got it, because something I have learned about kids is they are in fact kids.  Mostly self centered and very distracted.  One minute Abby is pledging her allegiance to the farm and the chores in question and the next she has dissapeared, butterfly net in hand, hunting geckos.  I have to admit, I just now grabbed her butterfly net, now wrapped in duct tape due to its overuse, and went outside at 11 pm, I saw a few geckos on my chickenless porch and I thought I would help her out.  I swore she wouldn't get another animal due to her lack of responsibility with chores.  I need to remember she is only 7. 

I made Mason cry.  I sat them all down and reamed them.  I made Abby cry too.  I don't really feel that guilty either.  Like I said I have turned hard.  Where is Gary? one may ask.  Not here to enjoy the chaos, rather enjoying his view in Hawaii.  He may never really understand  what it is like to go alone with the kids and try to train them and guide them full time.  So life on the "farm" is proving not simple at all.  Truth be told we are just starting, we haven't even got the garden in or the livestock.  My face just fell.  Excuse me while I pick it up off the floor and try to paste on a smile.