Sunday, March 27, 2011

today at red robins

if you notice that in my title there are no caps and nothing kitchy, cute or catching about it.  i feel it represents my mood right now.  Done.

I won't go into details about today.  I think that today should be wrapped up in a brown box, tied with a string, put in a steal lock box and buried far beneath the surface of the sea guarded by vicious,trained to kill, man eating sharks. 

I will say however my kids make me laugh and cry and scream and act crazy and laugh some more.  Here are the highlights.
Sometime in the evening after dinner at Red Robins.

After many angry looks and my meanest  firmest mommy voice, I sent the kids in the house to get things ready for school tomorrow.   I stayed outside talking to my friends (desperate for real conversation)  All of a sudden the four older ones come running, no bounding out of the house straight for the park with blue painters tape on their chest of their initials.  (they have done this before) but it was the order in which they ran...Judah, Abby, Mason.  Now, I may be slightly slap happy and ready for Monday, but... They spelled JAM.  Nettie was not included in the impromptu spellathon,  but if she were it would have spelled JAMN, now that would be funny!  No, Nettie was wearing one of my shirts, which she has been doing lately.  I think it may be a bonding thing, who knows, but she didn't get into the painters tape.

Nettie almost 7 going on 17,  feels the need to point and stare at every brown, African descent person she sees.  (IE the African American server) Not only is it rude but annoying.  I don't mind talking to her about her heritage but it is never polite to point and stare at anyone.  This was done at Red Robins today.  Yes I took five kids by myself to Red Robins .  It was easier than cooking dinner.

Which leads me to highlight my children's personalities.  Sometime mid afternoon.  After many of my angry looks and much yelling Abby decided to do something about it and took to cleaning the kitchen for me.  Mind you she is 7.  She did a better job than her dad and  heck, even me.  I paid her well.  She is still cheaper than a maid.  Which has given her control and Abby thrives on control.  Sometime just now (Bedtime).  She has just informed me to shut all the kitchen cabinets, rinse my cup out and that I need to make sure I make breakfast right tomorrow.  She has also informed me that she will be working in the kitchen more often and she wants a mouse( the kind that eats cheese) and a schedule.  We decided to write her wishes (demands) on a paper,  post it on the white board and hold a board meeting tomorrow to discuss these things promptly at  3:40 after she gets her homework done.  I think I made her night or month with all that organization.  I can't complain, she even arranged the four free coconuts (anyone want one they are still in their green skin?)  that Gary took off a tree and hauled back from Hawaii.  She also arranged my cabinets to make more space, moving everything around the way she sees fit.    hum.  Well at least I'll have one that'll keep their house clean when they grow up.
Abby's organized Coconuts

Mason is a persistent little  booger bugger.  He takes my breath away, and not in the good way.  He exasperates me at times.  To go to Red Robins for dinner they had to read ten books and I had to sign off on it.  Mason wrote the titles of his books on his certificate.  The two that I can remember were -  book of Since and josef and gipt. 
(The Great Book of Science and Joseph and Egypt)  The rest were even worster than that.  I get that  those are hard words to spell, but for crying out loud!  The books were right  in front of him.  He could have (gasp!) looked at them. ??? No, that would require effort.  Lord help me.  When he sees that Abby out spells him by a mile he says "Wow that's freaky man"  and that I didn't teach him spelling in homeschool.  I then go on to yell explain to him when I taught him spelling and how  hard we worked on it and what a big fit he threw everytime and how he didn't pay attention to me.  Only to find at the end of my lecture he wasn't paying attention to me.  I am met with a "huh?" so I meet his "huh" with a "SEEEEEEE!!!!"  and he meets my "SEEEEEE!" with the drawn, polished, sword of whimsical laughter that can only be wielded by an 8 year old boy, thereby winning the "whatever it was we were doing."

Judah, age six.  He is the man.  Butt he laughs every time I say anything to him.  My angry eyes and angry mom voice do nothing to this fearless lion cub.  This makes for a long, long, long day.  He thinks everything is funny and points to his eyes, then back to mine and mouths "I got my eyes on you."  He is constantly running around behind me, pulling up my pants which are constantly falling down.  (not from lack of fat, more like the hereditary inverted hips) Oh the fond memories he will have of his mommy.  I feel pity for him.  Butt.... like I said he is fearless.

Oh and Calamity  Serenity, almost six months old.  Please.  She yells and spits and nearly choked on two things at the table tonight at Red  Robins, crayons and  the plastic wrapper they came in.  She also pulled off my nursing cover partially exposing my left breast at Red Robins and knocked over Nettie's drink onto my lap and the floor.

These mind you were just the highlights.  I need to get off this computer and do my bible study while I still have one, deformed, half functioning brain cell.

In conclusion.

I am sure I am parenting wrong.  I am sure I am messing them up.   The experts in any book would agree and to be perfectly honest, right now I could care less.  And oh ya, I did laugh today.  I laughed when Nettie's balloon from Red Robins flew away.  I know I suck and I am terrible mom.  But she literally asked for it.  All through dinner she fell into uncontrollable fits of laughter throwing herself onto he ground hitting her head, etc.  Ignoring my pleas to stop the madness.  Normal  attention seeking drama for her.  She wanted everyone to laugh at her so when we walked out of Red Robins she declared between giggles, "Look guys I am going to let my balloon go!"  I don't know what she was thinking but then she did let her balloon go and surprise!  it flew away which sent all the kids, including me, into a roll of laughter, which made her cry, which made an old man and his four wrinkled, old people companions watching our freak show in the parking lot,  feel very sorry for her, which scored her a new balloon from the grandpa type onlooker, just as I was trying to teach her a lesson on consequences, behavior, and logic.  I promptly took it away and continued on with my lesson right in the middle of the Red Robin parking lot.  When she was able to see how crazy her behavior was she laughed at herself and in my opinion that is one of the best lessons you can learn.  Which earned her pity balloon back, which popped 10 minutes later which made her laugh.  In fact out of the four balloons plus the pity balloon that we left with from  Red Robins ( I am trying for some advertisement on my own terms for RED Robin) none lasted for more than an hour. 

Funny as I think about our dinner at Red Robins, the waiter didn't say goodby to me.  He said "Good Luck".

Oh and I had the delicious Burning Love HOLY peno burger with fries and a Oreo milk shake.  I was slightly embarrassed ordering this, I may have blushed. (not just because of the massive calories and I am on a diet)  Now that I am closer to 40 you just don't say Burning Love to strangers under any circumstances, especially young men.


  1. *fits of laughter* your stories take the cake. every. time. xoxo

  2. hahahahah laugh at yourself, smile and the world will smile with you!!!! 100 percent true and uncut version of just a few parts of today!!! la vida loca.

  3. omg I can just see all of you! Oh, wait, I have witnessed a trip to Red Robin before, when you were alone, with them all too. Then you did not even have Serenity
    Your life is too funny. I am so glad you have a sense of humor! Otherwise you would probably be locked up by now.. lol

  4. yes yes so true, and you did, but as I recall you were the one throwing french fries at us! carzy chick. :)