Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Had an absolutely terrible dream last night. I dreamed that I could see Serenity through an outline on my stomach, then somehow I reached in to get her and she was too small, and her face was completely unformed and crooked. I blame this terrible image on the ultra sounds that have distorted her beautiful little face. Anyway I showed my friend and asked if it looked right and then thought my due date must be completely off she is still forming and I caught her in a bad moment. So I somehow tucked her back in my belly and prayed that she wasn't deformed, but felt bad because I thought I will still love her anyway. I then tried to imagine my life with her as being completely disabled. In my dream I wandered if she would ever walk or talk and what that would mean to my family and how that would change our lives forever. In the end I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. Now it is 4 AM and I am up. Contractions started like they do everyday and I am feeling rather crampy. I weighed myself and have gained an astonishing 7 pounds in just a few weeks!!! I chalk that up to throwing the diabetic diet out the window for a bit. I guess now I will have to get back on it, being so late in the game and all but never to late to watch what you eat. I may even do my eliptical today as amusing as that may be. So I guess I will shoot for due date number two. October 8th. Seeing as how the fourth has come and gone. There are times I literally think I will not go into labor. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I may even let them check me. For today the kids have PE this morning, guitar lessons and girl scouts, so we will just plod along, it's not like I don't have anything to do to keep me busy. Also in the works is house hunting. I feel we are on the cusp of finding a house. Another reason I am up at the wonderful hour of 4 am. I can't sleep with too much going on in my mind. Between terrible dreams, busy life, house hunting, and Mason's string of health issues and just being plain pregnant and Gary's snoring I am pretty sure I will need a nap at some point today. The list of things running through my mind is insane. I do need to clean the fridge, the house, my room. Not to mention homeschool the kids. There are a few houses we are going to put an offer in on, it is just a matter of which and what timing will show what we get. More complicated issues with the houses we are putting in offers on, of course it can't be simple. I am sitting here looking at this calendar. I can't believe that at some point I will actually have this child. What if I don't? What if I have to be induced? I have 3 days before my due date, I think with Abby I went over the time by two days. How stupid and delusional was I to think I was going to go early. Shumck.
Posted by Kim at 4:52 AM