Winding down

Well this little 9 month journey will soon be coming to an end. It feels like I did something I couldn't do. I am going to miss it. It is like having a job that is temporary, in the end you get used to the work and attached to the whole thing, then suddenly you have to leave the job and move on to something else. It is bittersweet to say the least.

Serenity will be born at Good Sam, at least I think so. The doctor says he doesn't want to risk a home birth. I may end up with a c section who knows? I am no longer "worried" about it. It is what it is. Good Sam seems to fit what I want at least in a birth if I have to do it in a hospital. They seem to be the most naturally minded.

This has been the first pregnancy that people are only just now asking if I am due soon. I also get told that I don't seem that big at all and that I am just belly. I have gained 16 pounds so far and the doctor expects her to be about 8.5, at this 36 week ultra sound she was 6.3. We had a scare and I thought we could loose her. Turns out it was just a scare. I did not have the liver disease suspected after all the blood work came back. I was truly glad and felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.

We have most of her things together. I have washed and folded laundry, had a baby shower, separated clothes, and purchased diapers. Now I just need to do a few more things. On my list is to get pictures with the boys, take the girls for a pedicure, and get a few last minute shopping things done. Gary's list is maybe a bit longer....

On a family note. Today was September 10th. Mason my sweet 8 year old was able to participate in a flag raising ceremony in honor of the victims of 9-11. I had to choke back tears as he stood in full cub scout uniform holding the Arizona flag. It was 8 years ago I held him so close in my womb that fateful day. Fear overwhelmed me and thoughts crashed through my head as I imaged what this world may be like for my unborn child. I held a little stuffed rabbit and rocked back and forth in my rocker, tears pouring down my face. To see him so big, so handsome standing there with our flag was more than I could take. Gary too stood there in his pilot uniform on the way to work. It was so fitting. Mason is a wonderful child with so much to give the world, I love him with my whole heart.

Tonight Nettie asked me if I were her "real" mom. That is a hard one. This pregnancy has brought up a lot of family questions. (we ended up telling Mason about the birds and bees, he giggled then was fascinated by the science of it) Anyway.. I explained a little bit of genetics to Nettie, that while we didn't share the same blood I was her "real" mom. She was most comforted by the fact that her and I are very similar in our personalities. That, while we didn't share blood we shared something else. She is darling and one of the most compassionate children I have ever known.

I hurt Abby's feelings tonight by yelling at her. She got sick and tired of Mason pestering her and just whopped him straight into the bathtub, whereupon he smacked his head very hard. I realize that when I am afraid I lash out in anger. She felt horrible. I let her and Mason sleep in my bed. While she was settling down she with her big red eyes looked at me making a muscle and said "Mom I just am too powerful, I don't know what to do with these?" speaking of her "guns" Mason told her to use them for good and maybe whittle some wood or something. I am truly living with Zena warrior princess. Mason forgave her with his whole heart, she just found it hard to forgive herself. She lights up my life and makes us all laugh with her never ending antics.

Today was Judah's kindergarten robot parade. I was so proud of him because he is so independent. He pretty much made and designed his own robot costume. It was fun having the whole family out to support him. Yesterday was his birthday and he is now 6! I can't believe we have been mommy and daddy for 5 years to him. His school work is really catching up and he has a great grasp of directions and dates. We are so proud of him for all that he is. Often I think how lucky I am to have him in my life.

Well yawn, maybe write more tomorrow.