Monday, April 27, 2009

Mountain Lions, Snakes and Swine flu Oh my

Well in light of my recent stand and newly inspired homeschool attitude, I decided to ditch the books and go for a hike! Well not really actually, I was going to the state park to meet up with the ranger program to learn about bugs. Safe, simple, innocent fun. Not to many germs, (don't want to catch Swine Flu). We got there almost on time, after much to do, of course and they told me the program was canceled, "Sorrrrrryyyyy" (Kim grit your teeth, smile, they have no idea how hard it is to get a 7, 5, 5 and 4 year old ready to go anywhere.) Deep breath, look around the ranger station, Oh wow they have lots of live rattle snakes in aquariums right there by my feet!!! nicccccceeee. I like snakes, I do, but not venomous ones that close by giving me the evil eye , only separated by a cheesy aquarium and crammed in an overcrowded ranger station mobile trailer. Then of course there is the Judah factor, need I say more. I could only imagine Judah tipping one of the aquariums over........ at that point I asked the ranger if they had the anti venom for all the different snakes. Yes? Well, good the show will go on. We left. Picnic at the park, need table cloths, bird poo everywhere, I knew a girl that went blind cause of bird poo in her eye. Flies, can flies spread diseases? I put an apple on the table next to me to try to lure them to it rather than us, I cringe as Abby bites into peanut butter sandwich that had been swarmed by flies as she actually "watched for falling rocks" Mason told her that if a rock falls down from the mountain it would crush us, she whimpered and told me we needed to find another spot. Oh the joys of an older brother who can now read road signs. Play ground time, yes, rattle snakes, scorpions, swine flu perhaps needles in the sand who knows, keep shoes on, keep a watchful eye, don't go to far, I heard a rabid bob cat recently walked into a bar and attacked some patrons, you never know!..... Onto the hike, fun this is going to be fun. OHHHHH forgot to put socks on the kids, forgot to put socks on me. Oh well, we are tough. Sunblock though, I am not a totally bad mom, whoops nearly asphyxiate a couple of kids spraying sunblock on their face cause I forgot to bring the face stick. Just don't open your eyes!! please oh ya and breath!.... Phew... onto the hike, huge yellow warning sign "Beware of mountain lions, watch you small pets and children closely" crap. Fun Fun Fun, hieroglyphs, don't touch the rock, guys get down come on, Judah just pee over there, guys lets go! Don't go over the fence, come on!!! No catching lizards! Get your hands out of the holes in the ground, Stay away from the ledge. Your feet hurt? Sorry be tough, Abby can you please give Nettie a pair of socks you are wearing two!! Abby I promise you that a snake will not bit your ankle if you give Nettie a pair of your socks you have two pairs on! Me, I am watching for mountain lions, why? because the sign said to and I also have been recording the new show "Human Prey." Note to self, not a good show to watch if you ever intend on hiking or even walking out your front door, rabid animals can find you anywhere! We come to a place where the cliff is on our right, Ranger Pat's voice echos in my mind, the pictures she showed me several weeks ago of mountain lions at park we were in, snarling, crouched on rocks. "They attack from the top, they stock their prey from above then jump down breaking their neck" ahhhh the element of surprise, that is why I don't like cats, (shiver) suddenly I feel like we are being watched, the clouds seem to cover the sun and a cool quiet breeze rustles the Brittle Bush leaves. I look at my kids, so innocent so unaware of the impending danger and I can just see a lion licking his chops ready to pounce. I already have my car key's out, my only form of defense. My plan? To poke the lion in the eye. I decide that we are done and we will not go further. The kids argue with me for a few minutes as I try to shelter them from the cold hard truth ----if we go on we will surely be attacked by a rabid mountain lion who could possibly be the carrier of the swine flu.---- Finally I tell them, "Look kiddos, mom's just know when there is danger and I have a bad feeling there is a lion watching us right now." Eight little eyes dart my direction, four little faces are flushed with fear, silence as we stand alone the trail, little brains trying to process the fact that their mom is really afraid of a lion attack. Mason breaks the silent with a quick non argumentative "YES MOM I think we should go!" If I could have ran I would, instead I herded my little ones in a group and tried to keep Abby from straggling behind. I felt much like a mother quail. We get down safely and as we pass some hikers going up I grab Mason's shoulder and warn him sternly not to be Ranger boy and sound the alarm to the new hikers of mountain lions. Mostly I was embarrassed of my fear but hey!! Don't judge me! We make it down safely against all odds, hop in the car, slam down some fun hills nearly tipping the Suburban over. Pull over, sunblock finally made its way to Abby's eyes, now she is in desperate pain. She needs me to get out of the car and flush her eye. Coyotes, snakes, scorpions are out there, not to mention cars going to fast and Swine Flu........OH MY!!!!

1 comment:

  1. You crack me up! I miss going to the tanks! Too bad it will be too hot when we are there in June to take the kids.