Life

Well since April things have happened not only in threes but in 10's or 7's. We just can't seem to get a break financially or emotionally. I was just here thinking that all of this "stuff" isn't worth anything if I don't let it change me. I can't call it garbage because I am sure these woes are recyclable and that they are indeed worth something, possible they are the flames of the refiners fire. For my own account of history I will make a list.

Mason broke his arm, two ER visits, a surgery, three cast later, still not healed. We will see. Then directly after that the transmission blows on our car. One rental van later and a week to go by only to find out the Suburban we bought on auction most likely has all kinds of water damage. Directly after that, water heater leaks in Abby's room, so we buy a new one, replace it and Gary throws his back out severely while installing it. Several weeks of a husband that can't work or even walk, and one ER visit later he is still sore and not himself. During this time and after the kids pick up a nasty virus leaving them with hives and marks all over their bodies. I get the flu and loose several pounds. We recover from that and we get a cold, before the last tissue has been sneezed in Abby and I get food poisoning. One ER trip for me because of dehydration and several doctors appointments later, and many stool samples we finally start to see the light of day, and then I have to put my dog to sleep because he is dieing of heart failure. To come home alone, and find out my friend has also died of cancer. To find out the next day that all my hopes for homebirth are pretty much gone and I have a condition called placenta previa, which would require bedrest and c section. Thankfully I learn that I don't need to be on bed rest but the rest is indeed uncertain. A day goes by, we find the almost perfect house and put an offer in on it hoping to move soon, and we didn't get the house. We buy a new puppy, Abby drops him the day we get him and injures his leg, now I am sitting here listening to him wheeze and I pray to God that he doesn't have kennel cough from the shelter because he is sitting right next to my little chihuahua that has lost weight due to stress and losing her best friend.

Okay rant and whine over with.

I just needed to vent. I understand in light of all of this that God is bigger and the more I praise him the more I trust him. Many good things have come from these trials. Not sure yet what they are but I know that my response time for praising him is lessening as I just surrender.

The new puppy is a doll, the water heater works, for now so does our car, we have more time to save money because we didn't get this house, I didn't have to make a tough choice with my dog, it was obvious he was dieing in that moment, Abby and I are finally well and I now I know that blood in the stools could just be food poisoning, Serenity is healthy and no matter how she comes into the world I am at a great advantage because it is out of my hands, I really have to trust in God to see me through this one.

This is life and as a friend stated to me it is the part of making memories, good and bad. My friend who passed away of cancer is heaven and while her children and husband are here, I know that she is in a better place with no suffering. But while on earth we must suffer for a little while, with the hopes of going to that beautiful place. This is life and we have to live it.

Alien Invasion!!!

I have an alien growing in me I am sure of it. She wiggles and kicks and is the squirmiest baby ever!!! This is like the first time because I seriously don't remember these weird sensations with 1 and 2. Well it was a long time ago but really she feels like a frog or some weird wiggly thing. Sometimes it even creeps me out a bit in a good way!

I am almost 24 weeks now. I think the other day I finally realized I am going to have this baby one way or another. Now I am preparing for natural labor. My sister Janette will act as my Douala and support and I can't say how much that means to me. I am gearing up for long back labor just in case but asking and hoping from God that he has mercy on me and I have a labor like Abby's, text book 7 hours.

I got the best compliment ever the other day when someone looked shocked to hear I was pregnant and in my sixth month! She said "you don't even look pregnant!" in times gone by at about 20 weeks people generally would say how huge I was and if I was due any day. I got comment after comment on how large I was and you know it made me mad.

I am still 11 squares around but apparently our toilet paper measuring system doesn't work as things actually are shifting and moving upwards. Oh well.

My sister is planning a shower for me and I have this pressing sensation that time is going to go by super fast from here on out. I only have about 17 weeks left and I have so much to do. I realized I am not ready nor have I even prepared! So off I go to get myself going on this labor and delivery thing, baby shower, cleaning my house and getting homeschool stuff organized.

Dream

I had a dream last night that I walked where Jesus walked on Calvary. He was already ascended to be at the right hand of the Father but I was with his earthly mother as she showed me the path. Mary talked quietly as we walked along the dusty road. She showed me where Joseph had taken a knife in sheer hurt and pain and anger and struck down every sapling along the path after their son had been murdered. I walked around jagged stumps along the way, careful not to step or slip and fall on one. Then we came to the front of her house, it was dirt. We sat down and she pulled out a quilt that she had made for Jesus that was not finished. Each little patch represented something of Jesus's life. She laid it out flat and rubbed her hands over it the worn patterns and tears began to fall like rain. The hurt that magnified in her, all that she lost when her son was killed welled up in me until I like her was sobbing on the baby quilt. She told me that he was the perfect child, he never did any wrong, he was innocent. As I ran my own hands across the quilt with tears so bitter it hurt physically. At first I could only feel her pain so raw for having lost her perfect child a mothers loss. Then the pain moved into what Jesus did for me and how he gave his life for me, his human life. He left his mom and dad on earth to face a painful death. He left all that was good on this earth to die and for his mortal body to be lifted up. I was full of tears, mixed with sorrow and grief but joy and thanksgiving. Then Mary handed me a piece of the quilt. A pink square, it wasn't anything fancy or special it had a little animal stitched on it as any average baby quilt would. It was worn out. I thought people just wouldn't believe the antiquity of this if I could somehow take it with me into the future. Something interrupted my thoughts and I heard "She is a part of him" (Serentity) They were connected. Then the dream was over.

Some pictures

Some more pictures !

I know we are just wrong to do this as parents but blame my husband. It all came off after the funny picture. :)

Abby watching birds

Mason staring off at gardens
Judah being a butterfly at gardens