Serenity Bethel

It is with great pleasure I can sit her, in a fair amount of pain and slightly dazed that I can share how my daughter entered this world October 8th, 2010.

October 7th started with regular contractions but I thought they would stop. They didn't. And about 1 am I started to bleed. Unfortunately because of my condition I wouldn't be able to labor at home. We went to sleep and decided to call the doctor in the morning. Needless to say I didn't sleep well, maybe two hours. I kept waking up to check for hemorrhage. We called the doctor at 8 am and he said that today would be a great day to have a baby and it was time to get her out. We dropped the kids off at Waffle House with my sister in law and she took them to my mother in law. Gary and I checked into the hospital with my sister Janette. They checked me out and admitted me. I was moved to labor and delivery and asked them if I could please walk to see if my contraction would "regulate" they did but I was only given to 2 pm to walk. When I got back up to labor and delivery at St. Joes I was told that I had to go onto pittosin. I wasn't thrilled but it needed to be done. As it was explained to me that this bleed wasn't bad but the second one and there would be one, could be life threatening. I agreed to a small amount of pitt and they began their mandatory duty of blood and IV's baby monitors, etc. It was horrible. But luckily I had a sweet nurse who put up with my wining and of course I had my sister who stood by me in complete support. I didn't feel alone. Unbeknownst to me my wonderful doctor had talked to a nurse named Allison 2 weeks prior who was trained in home birth and natural labor. She even told the resident I was her private patient and she wouldn't let her follow. She switched shifts and patients with my nurse and took over. Unfortunately she could only stay until 7 pm. After she left I did get a string of nurses that were great but couldn't replace what she could have done for me had she been able to stay. Later I found out she called at 4 am just to see how I was. I labored with pitt being slowly turned up until I couldn't take it at all. I asked them to turn it down they did without hesitation. I had to be continually monitored so I could only labor standing up, I tried different positions but I could only move a few feet because of the cords that tied me down. I was able to feel my water break though as I tried laying down. That was cool. I was praying and laying on my side and Janette and Gary were rubbing my legs and praying and I was just committing myself to Christ having a sweet moment in silence when I heard a huge pop and felt something burst. It had to be about 8 pm, I thought I was going to look down and see blood everywhere but it was my water! It felt like a balloon inside of me bursting. I dilated to 4-5 and gave up mentally, she was really high and not descending. I had flash backs of Mason's birth and the pain with pitt and not progressing. My lovely sister and great husband talked me into just a bit longer to get her dropped at least. Janette suggested I keep the standing position. That worked very well. Gary talked them into letting me get into the shower, they unhooked my pitt and monitors and I got to labor in the shower for 15 minutes at a time, but Gary let me stay longer. I did this and when I got out they had to hook me back to the monitors but I talked them into letting me get off the pitt, my contractions were now just mine. After several rounds of this I dialated to 7-8, and had descended. My sister was totally right and I felt very hopeful. At this point it was like midnight? I was so tired, the contractions were wonderfully strong, unfortunately I was horribly tired. I couldn't stand anymore, I tried laying down but it made it worse. I was literally strapped. I gave up. I gave up the moment I entered the hospital. I got the epidural. Then my contractions stopped. Go figure, that's what happens. I thought they could just put me back on pitt, but they couldn't they had to see how Serentiy reacted to the epidural. We didn't have a good reaction, my blood pressure dropped and my heart was pounding in my throat. Serenity didn't like that either. They had to give me epinephrine to counter the epidural. I thought I was going to die. I put music on in my ears and just started praying. Things stablized but they couldn't get my contractions going again until they saw the baby had a good reaction. I remained like this for quite a while. Apparently I was stuck at 7-8 now and the doctor broke the bag of forwaters that was holding her high. Eventually got on pitt again. I finally got a chance to sleep but my blood pressure monitor kept going off as I kept dropping so the alarm kept going off. My sister went home and was planning on coming back, my parents went home as they were told it would be a while. Gary and I fell asleep and didn't know they weren't planning on checking me until way later. My sister Mary stayed faithfully alone in the waiting room. At about 5:45 Gary woke up with a bad feeling. He looked at Serinity's heart rate and it was almost to 200. Very bad. He went to get the nurse and when she came in she said she would need to call doctor, just as she said that he was there. It has been said of him that he has a sixth sense. Well more than once he proved that to us. He checked me and calm as can be said that I was ready to have the baby. I didn't feel a thing!!! I was so numbed I couldn't even feel the pressure of my little girl delivering herself. She was ready to crown! The doctor gowned up and got my legs situated. Then he did something so cool, he let Gary gown up! When he said to push I did, with all my heart and mind. He was instructing Gary on how to deliver the baby. He told me to give it a second push, I did, then one little final push and Gary delivered our beautiful daughter with no assistance from the doctor. He pulled her out and carried her over to me at 6:05 a.m. Out of all the things that didn't go right for me, this was one thing that was the highlight of the birth. Gary delivering our daughter into this world. Thank God my sister Mary was there and was able to take pictures, she was the only one who was there, my sister Janette who stayed behind from her family in California missed the birth. My friend Jen who I was going to call when I was at 8-9 never knew, and my mom who stayed until 2:00 a.m. missed it.
They collected the cord blood, and let her sit on my belly for 2 minutes. Then she became a human pin cushion as they were concerned about infection because of her elevated heart rate. So typical of hospital births. When they let me hold her, her heart rate dropped 10 points. Then they took her from me and stressed her out.
We found out that my dedicated Doctor Medchill stayed with me the whole time after putting in a full days work. He waited for me letting me do what I needed to do. Then after instructing my husband on how to deliver Serenity he stitched me up and went back to work a full day. Unbelievable. He slept at the hospital just for me. The placenta did not fail or bleed during delivery, thank God. Every nurse I had was amazing and kind. I could not have done this without my husband or sister. Both of them stood by my side rubbing my back for hours. These are things that "Thank you" simply does not cover. Even though I went in angry about having to have a hospital birth I left with a beautiful, 9.5 pound baby, healthy and happy. A little sore a little Johndist, but all in one piece. I can't wait to jot my thoughts on the absolute beauty of a new baby, it is amazing. I am loving this in such a different way now that I am almost 9 years older than when I had my first. God has blessed me. The kids love their baby sister, especially Mason. The whole thing is amazing. This brought Gary and I closer and now our little family of 7 is complete.

maybe the last post before I am a new mommy

Went to doctor today and I am dilated to 2.5, 60% effaced and thinned out. happy dance insert here. Still he told me to start thinking about induction. So I go back on Saturday to see him. As of right now the baby is perfect and everything is fine. I went to my mom's house tonight and did some moves my sister showed me and directly after went into contractions. I have been having good contractions now for several hours. I am going to wait it out until I can't talk, type or walk before I go in. This could be another false start but it feels just a bit different. So hard to tell, I have switched positions several times and they are still coming. So now I am just plumbed tuckered out. Going to bed.

On a side note we put an offer in on a house they accepted and took it off the market, we are just waiting to here back on my mom's old house. This is the furthest we ever got. Fingers crossed, but not legs. :)

Terrible dream

Had an absolutely terrible dream last night. I dreamed that I could see Serenity through an outline on my stomach, then somehow I reached in to get her and she was too small, and her face was completely unformed and crooked. I blame this terrible image on the ultra sounds that have distorted her beautiful little face. Anyway I showed my friend and asked if it looked right and then thought my due date must be completely off she is still forming and I caught her in a bad moment. So I somehow tucked her back in my belly and prayed that she wasn't deformed, but felt bad because I thought I will still love her anyway. I then tried to imagine my life with her as being completely disabled. In my dream I wandered if she would ever walk or talk and what that would mean to my family and how that would change our lives forever. In the end I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. Now it is 4 AM and I am up. Contractions started like they do everyday and I am feeling rather crampy. I weighed myself and have gained an astonishing 7 pounds in just a few weeks!!! I chalk that up to throwing the diabetic diet out the window for a bit. I guess now I will have to get back on it, being so late in the game and all but never to late to watch what you eat. I may even do my eliptical today as amusing as that may be. So I guess I will shoot for due date number two. October 8th. Seeing as how the fourth has come and gone. There are times I literally think I will not go into labor. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I may even let them check me. For today the kids have PE this morning, guitar lessons and girl scouts, so we will just plod along, it's not like I don't have anything to do to keep me busy. Also in the works is house hunting. I feel we are on the cusp of finding a house. Another reason I am up at the wonderful hour of 4 am. I can't sleep with too much going on in my mind. Between terrible dreams, busy life, house hunting, and Mason's string of health issues and just being plain pregnant and Gary's snoring I am pretty sure I will need a nap at some point today. The list of things running through my mind is insane. I do need to clean the fridge, the house, my room. Not to mention homeschool the kids. There are a few houses we are going to put an offer in on, it is just a matter of which and what timing will show what we get. More complicated issues with the houses we are putting in offers on, of course it can't be simple. I am sitting here looking at this calendar. I can't believe that at some point I will actually have this child. What if I don't? What if I have to be induced? I have 3 days before my due date, I think with Abby I went over the time by two days. How stupid and delusional was I to think I was going to go early. Shumck.

Mason's big plan

Mason 8 years old

Mason said he is going to be a multibillionaire. His plan is to open a Birthing Center to fund Taco Bell and then a Peter Piper Pizza, he is going to have a church in his house, adopt kids, and have some money to burn. With this said money he is going to get a hot rod for himself that goes 200 miles per hour and one baby carrying car so his babies heads don't fly off. He is going to hire his sister Abby and pay her 6oo dollars an hour to work at his Pizza Place. She didn't think that was a good deal but he reassured her it was and that he couldn't treat her special because he didn't want to be unfair to the rest of his employees, Abby inquired if he could please be unfair when no one was looking. Mason assured her that he could not because he didn't want his people to quit. So Abby relented and said that 600 dollars an hour would be fine.

On a different note. I am so done with being pregnant. I love Serenity and I want to meet her so badly. Gary is very excited and I think this time around he really and truly sees the magic of the whole thing as he is in constant wander. Me I am in constant pain and being uncomfortable doesn't bring out the best in me. For that reason I am sure that Gary will be happy when I deliver her. I am having contractions all day now since Saturday, gaining weight faster now than ever before. I think I am up to 19 pounds. I have 1 week left but I don't think I will make it that far. Who knows though, it has been so different from all my other pregnancies. At this point I want to crawl into a cave and be left alone. My cell phone is broken so actually that is a good thing. I know everyone is concerned but I am feeling a lot of pressure with this concern and anticipation to the point where I have decided not to answer the phone. Okay off to deal with heart burn.

Winding down

Well this little 9 month journey will soon be coming to an end. It feels like I did something I couldn't do. I am going to miss it. It is like having a job that is temporary, in the end you get used to the work and attached to the whole thing, then suddenly you have to leave the job and move on to something else. It is bittersweet to say the least.

Serenity will be born at Good Sam, at least I think so. The doctor says he doesn't want to risk a home birth. I may end up with a c section who knows? I am no longer "worried" about it. It is what it is. Good Sam seems to fit what I want at least in a birth if I have to do it in a hospital. They seem to be the most naturally minded.

This has been the first pregnancy that people are only just now asking if I am due soon. I also get told that I don't seem that big at all and that I am just belly. I have gained 16 pounds so far and the doctor expects her to be about 8.5, at this 36 week ultra sound she was 6.3. We had a scare and I thought we could loose her. Turns out it was just a scare. I did not have the liver disease suspected after all the blood work came back. I was truly glad and felt like a weight had been lifted off of me.

We have most of her things together. I have washed and folded laundry, had a baby shower, separated clothes, and purchased diapers. Now I just need to do a few more things. On my list is to get pictures with the boys, take the girls for a pedicure, and get a few last minute shopping things done. Gary's list is maybe a bit longer....

On a family note. Today was September 10th. Mason my sweet 8 year old was able to participate in a flag raising ceremony in honor of the victims of 9-11. I had to choke back tears as he stood in full cub scout uniform holding the Arizona flag. It was 8 years ago I held him so close in my womb that fateful day. Fear overwhelmed me and thoughts crashed through my head as I imaged what this world may be like for my unborn child. I held a little stuffed rabbit and rocked back and forth in my rocker, tears pouring down my face. To see him so big, so handsome standing there with our flag was more than I could take. Gary too stood there in his pilot uniform on the way to work. It was so fitting. Mason is a wonderful child with so much to give the world, I love him with my whole heart.

Tonight Nettie asked me if I were her "real" mom. That is a hard one. This pregnancy has brought up a lot of family questions. (we ended up telling Mason about the birds and bees, he giggled then was fascinated by the science of it) Anyway.. I explained a little bit of genetics to Nettie, that while we didn't share the same blood I was her "real" mom. She was most comforted by the fact that her and I are very similar in our personalities. That, while we didn't share blood we shared something else. She is darling and one of the most compassionate children I have ever known.

I hurt Abby's feelings tonight by yelling at her. She got sick and tired of Mason pestering her and just whopped him straight into the bathtub, whereupon he smacked his head very hard. I realize that when I am afraid I lash out in anger. She felt horrible. I let her and Mason sleep in my bed. While she was settling down she with her big red eyes looked at me making a muscle and said "Mom I just am too powerful, I don't know what to do with these?" speaking of her "guns" Mason told her to use them for good and maybe whittle some wood or something. I am truly living with Zena warrior princess. Mason forgave her with his whole heart, she just found it hard to forgive herself. She lights up my life and makes us all laugh with her never ending antics.

Today was Judah's kindergarten robot parade. I was so proud of him because he is so independent. He pretty much made and designed his own robot costume. It was fun having the whole family out to support him. Yesterday was his birthday and he is now 6! I can't believe we have been mommy and daddy for 5 years to him. His school work is really catching up and he has a great grasp of directions and dates. We are so proud of him for all that he is. Often I think how lucky I am to have him in my life.

Well yawn, maybe write more tomorrow.

Life

Well since April things have happened not only in threes but in 10's or 7's. We just can't seem to get a break financially or emotionally. I was just here thinking that all of this "stuff" isn't worth anything if I don't let it change me. I can't call it garbage because I am sure these woes are recyclable and that they are indeed worth something, possible they are the flames of the refiners fire. For my own account of history I will make a list.

Mason broke his arm, two ER visits, a surgery, three cast later, still not healed. We will see. Then directly after that the transmission blows on our car. One rental van later and a week to go by only to find out the Suburban we bought on auction most likely has all kinds of water damage. Directly after that, water heater leaks in Abby's room, so we buy a new one, replace it and Gary throws his back out severely while installing it. Several weeks of a husband that can't work or even walk, and one ER visit later he is still sore and not himself. During this time and after the kids pick up a nasty virus leaving them with hives and marks all over their bodies. I get the flu and loose several pounds. We recover from that and we get a cold, before the last tissue has been sneezed in Abby and I get food poisoning. One ER trip for me because of dehydration and several doctors appointments later, and many stool samples we finally start to see the light of day, and then I have to put my dog to sleep because he is dieing of heart failure. To come home alone, and find out my friend has also died of cancer. To find out the next day that all my hopes for homebirth are pretty much gone and I have a condition called placenta previa, which would require bedrest and c section. Thankfully I learn that I don't need to be on bed rest but the rest is indeed uncertain. A day goes by, we find the almost perfect house and put an offer in on it hoping to move soon, and we didn't get the house. We buy a new puppy, Abby drops him the day we get him and injures his leg, now I am sitting here listening to him wheeze and I pray to God that he doesn't have kennel cough from the shelter because he is sitting right next to my little chihuahua that has lost weight due to stress and losing her best friend.

Okay rant and whine over with.

I just needed to vent. I understand in light of all of this that God is bigger and the more I praise him the more I trust him. Many good things have come from these trials. Not sure yet what they are but I know that my response time for praising him is lessening as I just surrender.

The new puppy is a doll, the water heater works, for now so does our car, we have more time to save money because we didn't get this house, I didn't have to make a tough choice with my dog, it was obvious he was dieing in that moment, Abby and I are finally well and I now I know that blood in the stools could just be food poisoning, Serenity is healthy and no matter how she comes into the world I am at a great advantage because it is out of my hands, I really have to trust in God to see me through this one.

This is life and as a friend stated to me it is the part of making memories, good and bad. My friend who passed away of cancer is heaven and while her children and husband are here, I know that she is in a better place with no suffering. But while on earth we must suffer for a little while, with the hopes of going to that beautiful place. This is life and we have to live it.

Alien Invasion!!!

I have an alien growing in me I am sure of it. She wiggles and kicks and is the squirmiest baby ever!!! This is like the first time because I seriously don't remember these weird sensations with 1 and 2. Well it was a long time ago but really she feels like a frog or some weird wiggly thing. Sometimes it even creeps me out a bit in a good way!

I am almost 24 weeks now. I think the other day I finally realized I am going to have this baby one way or another. Now I am preparing for natural labor. My sister Janette will act as my Douala and support and I can't say how much that means to me. I am gearing up for long back labor just in case but asking and hoping from God that he has mercy on me and I have a labor like Abby's, text book 7 hours.

I got the best compliment ever the other day when someone looked shocked to hear I was pregnant and in my sixth month! She said "you don't even look pregnant!" in times gone by at about 20 weeks people generally would say how huge I was and if I was due any day. I got comment after comment on how large I was and you know it made me mad.

I am still 11 squares around but apparently our toilet paper measuring system doesn't work as things actually are shifting and moving upwards. Oh well.

My sister is planning a shower for me and I have this pressing sensation that time is going to go by super fast from here on out. I only have about 17 weeks left and I have so much to do. I realized I am not ready nor have I even prepared! So off I go to get myself going on this labor and delivery thing, baby shower, cleaning my house and getting homeschool stuff organized.

Dream

I had a dream last night that I walked where Jesus walked on Calvary. He was already ascended to be at the right hand of the Father but I was with his earthly mother as she showed me the path. Mary talked quietly as we walked along the dusty road. She showed me where Joseph had taken a knife in sheer hurt and pain and anger and struck down every sapling along the path after their son had been murdered. I walked around jagged stumps along the way, careful not to step or slip and fall on one. Then we came to the front of her house, it was dirt. We sat down and she pulled out a quilt that she had made for Jesus that was not finished. Each little patch represented something of Jesus's life. She laid it out flat and rubbed her hands over it the worn patterns and tears began to fall like rain. The hurt that magnified in her, all that she lost when her son was killed welled up in me until I like her was sobbing on the baby quilt. She told me that he was the perfect child, he never did any wrong, he was innocent. As I ran my own hands across the quilt with tears so bitter it hurt physically. At first I could only feel her pain so raw for having lost her perfect child a mothers loss. Then the pain moved into what Jesus did for me and how he gave his life for me, his human life. He left his mom and dad on earth to face a painful death. He left all that was good on this earth to die and for his mortal body to be lifted up. I was full of tears, mixed with sorrow and grief but joy and thanksgiving. Then Mary handed me a piece of the quilt. A pink square, it wasn't anything fancy or special it had a little animal stitched on it as any average baby quilt would. It was worn out. I thought people just wouldn't believe the antiquity of this if I could somehow take it with me into the future. Something interrupted my thoughts and I heard "She is a part of him" (Serentity) They were connected. Then the dream was over.

Some pictures