Transition

I knew there was a lesson in my sisters long and exhausting labor, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I went to her house yesterday and got to hold my niece for the first time. She is spectacular! My sister and her husband and the leaders from their church came over to bless Annabella Jane, I got to stay and participate.

The room was quiet, my sister looking beautiful sat upon the same bed she gave birth. Her husband and the leaders of their church kneeled beside the bed and admired the family. Each of us took a turn praying. When it was Janette's turn she really hit the nail on the head. Janette's labor was so long and arduous she was in transition, the hardest part of labor for 4 or more hours. This is when your body shakes and you feel like you could possibly throw up, some do. This is the point in labor a lot of women who intend on natural childbirth give up. I listened at the door and my own stomach was sick remembering how it felt to be rocked by so much pain. The lump in my throat grew until even when I swallowed it didn't go away. I listened to the deep guttural ache my sister was experiencing and I heard her say "I don't want to do this, I can't do this, I'm too tired" I am tearing up right now as I think of how it must have hurt so bad and that she had to go on for so long in the worse part of labor (Annabella's head was semi stuck) Finally a contraction pushed Anna down and her cries of pain turned to deep pushing sounds and determination. I heard the change in her, a few minutes later Baby Bella was born.

When we prayed last night my sister prayed from her point of view.

"Lord the most painful part of birthing something in our lives is "transition" when you feel the pain and feel like giving up you are just around the point of breaking. When it feels like nothing is happening and all the pain is for nothing you are there, transitioning us, positioning us for the new thing to happen in our lives."

This is the lesson, this is what I couldn't say because the physical pain of adoption, transition is hard to understand for others and even for me. When you see or hear a woman in transition you know without a doubt that she will birth a child. Even when she didn't believe it herself that she could make it through the hardest part everyone was there believing for her. I was just on the other side of the door praying and when I heard her say "I am to tired, I can't do this" I said silently behind the door, "Yes you can Yes you can" I knew she could and even though she doubted herself I believed for her and prayed for her. This is the lesson. When a mother is waiting for a child through adoption she will go through "transition" it may last a few days or a few months, she may not believe the adoption will ever happen. She may loose hope. We, You Us have to stand by her even if on the other side of the door or state or phone or email and believe for her, for me. We have to pray for her, for me. There is power in this and so we need to recognize each other as adoptive parents because in the society we live in as a whole does not celebrate adoption the way birth is celebrated and "the others" may not recognize an adoptive mom in transition. Pray for me I have been in transition for so long I can't see straight. Which is funny just now when I thought of it because my sister said her body was literally rocked with pain to the point she couldn't see straight and she called herself "googly eyed"

This is the lesson. Thank you for the moms that have and are seeing me through my "transition" I may not say it but I am hanging on because you are hanging for me.

Annabella a big girl indeed

I found out early this morning that my "little" Annabella was and is 9 pounds and 14 oz. Almost 10 pounds!!!! My sister is my new hero. Did it all without a drop of medicine in her body, she worked so hard. I think she deserves so much credit.

Welcome Annabella Jane!!!

4:23 My little niece was born. It was a long and hard labor for my sister but she did it and I could not be more proud of her. Annabella got stuck but was never in danger, although it did make for a long labor for my sister and brother in law. She never gave up, she stuck through it and the pain and delivered a very healthy and subdue baby girl with the biggest cheeks I have ever seen in my life. I listened at the door until the head crowned, we then got to come in and watch her be born. I am waiting on the weight right now, I think well over 8 pounds. It was amazing! There were times when the lump in my throat felt so big and my stomach felt sick, towards the end my whole body was shaking with anticipation. She was a big fat baby!! My sister will never feel stronger or more vibrant. Home birth empowers you to the fullest and when your body goes through such an ordeal it stays with you forever. The birth of Annabella will be evident in everything Janette does. She did it. While I listened at the door I wandered what lessons would be taken from this experience, what lessons can I learn? What lessons does God have about birthing something? I will have to think more on this, but in the mean time I couldn't help but pray and raise my hand as Annabella was making her entrance into this world, she has and will give glory to God. Remember baby girl some of the first words you heard was Grandma praying for you, the room silent, your mother reached down and touched your head with her hands shaking from exhaustion, she said "Is everyone here? pray " Let that be our motto our cry for the world for this time. "Is everyone here?Lets pray"

Almost 2 am

Well it is almost 2 am. We are still waiting, we were called up to the room of my sister but she still has a bit to go, after changing positions we are waiting. The midwife put it good, "sometimes we just have to use the tincture of time and patience" Isn't that the truth. Is there an adoption midwife out there to guide me? I need an adoption Doula. Maybe I will start a business after my own wait is done. I remember giving birth, the intense ancient sound of a woman in labor is melodic and haunting all at once. The sound of labor even in it's soft quiet tones is resounding. I wander how Judah was born and what his mom went through. I adopted him but another dear sweet woman birthed him and she is part of me in some inexpiable way.
My sisters youngest daughter, soon not to be, is watching TV. Her son is asleep, and her oldest daughter a teenager is resting. It was interesting to watch their reactions. One cried, one got sick in her stomach, the other sound asleep. The house is so quiet.

Home birth really is so amazing.

I thought I would want to do it again, and I do. But I know that this time is over for me, I hope watching my neice be born will help me feel better about letting go of birthing another child. My mom just came downstairs with a blanket wrapped around her. I think we are getting close. My dad is snoring on the couch, my other sisters are upstairs sleeping and my brother in laws sister is as well. We have two babies (cousins)that will usher in the newest memeber of the family, lovingly nestled in their mommas arms having made this journey five months prior, they are in a sense experts. Cute. They are sleeping as well but will be present for the big moment. I am excited, the lights are low and all seems very very well.

If I am not waiting for one thing I am waiting for another

Well I am here at my sisters house. Waiting. Big huge surprise. Waiting for my sister to give birth. I have to admit I am anxious. If I weren't blogging this I would be pacing just like you see in the movies. This is hard for me as well in another way too. It is hard to process what birth is verses adoption. Is there such a thing? Today on the way to my mother in laws house to drop off the kids we were talking about Auntie having a baby. Mason really wanted to watch the baby being born, he has always been interested in child birth mostly because I talked to him a lot about it when I was educating myself in home birth. I told Mason he couldn't be there to watch and he was very upset so I told him he could watch his birth video and then Abby asked if she could see hers and I said of course! And then I was surprised to here my baby boy Judah ask me so innocently if he could see his birth video. My heart is breaking right now thinking about it. I paused and I asked God what to say, then I told him "Baby you have the best adoption video and you can see it anytime, Daddy met you first and brought you to me" It seemed to stop the flow of questions for now but it is these moments that I realize that we have some pieces missing. It hurts me not to have answers and leaves me wandering how I am going to balance being excited about the birth of my bio kids and not making that to be more special than the adoption videos that we will have for my other kids. It doesn't help that society doesn't celebrate adoption the same way people celebrate birth. I guess you realize that as you go along in the process. Anyway enough of my ramblings.

My Sister Is Having a Baby!!

Yes actually right now, my younger sister is having her fourth baby! She is doing a home birth and we are at my moms house waiting just a few minutes down the road until we get the call she is ready to push, then we get to go down to her house and be there when little Annabella Jane is born. I am proud of her because I also did a home birth with Abigail, and I wish that I had the chance to do another one but God has taken me down a different path. Adoption. But I am a big advocate of home birth and I have never actually been present when a baby was born so this will be exciting as long as she doesn't change her mind. I have been waiting at my moms house since noon and now it is almost 10 pm. Her contractions are about 2 minutes apart. I miss my kids they are all at my mother in laws house so that I can be ready to go at a moments notice. Gary is on his way home from a Seattle turn and well he just called. Kids are doing great on the way home from Gary's mom house. I will write more later.

Masonisms

Are molecules real, because Dylan said they weren't. What are molecules? Dylan was serious though he said they were not real.

Now me ........duh.

Ya I didn't really know what a molecule was or is, I remember learning about them in Science but what the heck are they exactly. I really didn't know how to explain that. Anyone?

Abbyisms

Abby requested a weight set for her birthday, which doesn't occur until late November. She seriously is becoming quite fascinated with body building. She said she wants to look like the guys on Ninja Warrior. She asked me tonight how she could make her muscles even bigger. She really truly cracks me up, she is only four!!

Also after seeing the movie "Enchanted" she has become very diligent about brushing her teeth. The old hag on the movie had horrible teeth and that scared her more than the dragon scene. After the scary dragon scene in the movie and all was quiet and done she said "Is that really how my teeth will look if I don't brush them?" She was stuck on the rotten teeth, not the man eating flame breathing dragon.

Judahisms

Tonight Judah and Gary had an interesting conversation. Gary came into the house and Judah was filling his water bottle at our kitchen sink, Gary noticed the pink cookies had been moved and few "knocked" off , mmmmm? He told Judah
"Don't touch the cookies"
Judah said "I didn't!!!"
Gary repeated himself
Judah then said "I didn't move the cookie ! the cookie moved the cookie"
and then looked directly at Gary and pointed his little finger at him and with a very serious face said "And don't argue with me"
Well I guess he told him.

Not Moving ( song I heard the other day)

Cause it's my will and I'm not moving
cause if it's your will
than nothing can shake me
Cause it's my will
to fall and praise you
and I will worship you
We've got to be
Children of peace